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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that, I finally get to the fields. Man, the sheep are all chillin’, munchin’ on grass like they own the place. I’m feelin’ good, right? But then, I notice one of ‘em, Baa-bara (yeah, I named her), is missing. I freak out! I’m runnin’ around like a headless chicken, shoutin’ her name. “Baa-bara! Where you at?”

78-year-old Hungarian mayor weds 18-year-old teen